How To Break Free of Your Cycle of Suffering and Develop the Successful Career You’ve Always Dreamed Of.

Julia X Warner
6 min readMar 14, 2022

For most of my life I wanted to be perceived as nice, sweet and thoughtful. I went out of my way to help people, and do things to make people like me. I often over-extended myself at work, and in school, trying to be the best possible person I could be.

This led me to feel exhausted, angry and like no one really knew the real me, because I was afraid to show people what I considered to be my darker side.

I really wanted to have a successful career helping people in a way that was fulfilling to me. I also really wanted lasting love and a deeply romantic relationship. However, the more I tried to show up authentically in my relationship, the more fearful I would become and actually ended up pushing my partner away.

While I wanted to be loved for who I was, the good the bad and the ugly, I had this counter belief, that said, if I allowed myself to be seen by my partner that he wouldn’t really love me, would probably leave me, and I’d end up abandoned, rejected and alone.

This was such a double edged sword in my life, which held me back not just from showing up fully in my relationships, but also in my business. There was this underlying belief that I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t worthy of the love I truly desired, and that I couldn’t actually help people in the way I wanted to because I didn’t feel like I could even help myself.

I felt frozen. I wasn’t taking action in my business, and would often self medicate with weed, food, or wasting time on social media, afraid to build deep connections with people.

It also led to a lot of fighting in my relationship. We both wanted a deeper level of love and connection, but weren’t able to experience it, because I kept pushing him away when I felt like he was getting too close, or wasn’t meeting my needs.

I felt stuck in my life, and sometimes wondered if I was even cut out to be an entrepreneur or in a romantic relationship.

The truth of the matter was that I didn’t really love myself enough. I didn’t respect myself and I didn’t believe in myself. I would often question if there was something wrong with me, and if I really had what it took.

I thought the answer was to tackle my addictions. So I quit smoking weed, developed a solid morning routine and started to put myself first, to build more self love.

This worked to a degree. I was feeling better about myself. I was feeling clearer and more able to show up, but there was still this deep sadness in my heart and this black hole in the pit of my stomach that kept telling me I would never experience real love or a thriving business.

I felt like a failure and a fraud, and didn’t really know how to move out of this energy of self loathing and lack of belief in myself.

I knew I needed some help and decided to hire a coach. It was great to feel like I finally had some support. I was able to open up in ways I had never experienced before, and it felt great to be heard, but I still noticed the same cycles showing up.

I would feel ashamed, fight with my partner, not take action on my business, and then beat myself up for it. It felt terrible, and even though there were shifts happening, I still felt very stuck and alone.

I wanted true freedom. Freedom from myself and my self limiting beliefs. Freedom from feeling like I was a bad person, and freedom to receive the love that I truly desired in life.

I knew I was the one who was really holding myself back, and trusted that it was just a matter of time before it shifted, but the process felt agonizing because I was being so hard on myself that I wasn’t where I wanted to be.

The key, I found out, had less to do with my current situation in life, and more to do with the attachment style that I developed in the first 3 years of my life.

I discovered that in these years I had developed an avoidant attachment style which caused me to believe that love was actually a threat and not to be trusted.

What a f*cking relief!

This helped me to see that it actually wasn’t my fault. There was nothing actually wrong with me. The way I was behaving was actually a defence mechanism, developed to help me build a feeling of safety and security in my life. It just so happened to still be running the show.

Knowing this brought such a feeling of power in my life, because I finally understood what was holding me back. I knew it was my responsibility to change it, but it wasn’t my fault that that’s the way I developed.

It was actually a really smart way of developing, and got me far in life. It just wasn’t going to get me where I wanted to go next. I discovered that this is true of both avoidant and anxiously attached people, which make up almost 50 percent of the population.

The goal then became to build a secure attachment within myself. To build a foundation of honestly, transparency and authenticity in my life. This made showing up for myself a lot easier, because I was no longer focusing on how much other people liked me, and trying to make everyone happy.

I liked me, and that’s all that really mattered.

The more I built and continue to build this secure attachment the more love I see in my relationship, and the more I am able to show up in life. I am taking greater action towards my dreams of being a speaker and performer. I’m also seeing more success in my business, because I actually believe in myself, and the fear of showing up, feels less intimidating.

I realized that my relationship and my business weren’t working before, because I was only focusing on my relationship and my business. Which was not the root cause of what was holding me back from showing up in the way I really wanted to show up in my life, an insecure attachment was.

I believe that inside of every woman is an empowered goddess who is capable of creating lasting love and prosperity. I also believe it’s nearly impossible to do this alone, and that we all just need love, support, and to know it is truly possible. We need the guidance of someone who has made it through to the other side, and feels secure in themselves.

My true desire is to build a heart centred community of powerful women who want to develop a greater sense of love for themselves, so that they can create the impact they really want in the world, and develop the love they truly desire in their relationships.

This is why I’m holding a free Webinar on March 30th from 2–4 EST to help women break free of the of the cycles of inaction and self loathing that stop them from seeing the success they want in their careers and relationships.

We’ll be diving into what it really means to develop a secure attachment, by practicing some exercises in real time, which will help you develop a greater sense of trust in yourself and others.

This will be a safe space of exploration, where you can get real and honest about who you are, and what you really want and deserve in your life.

You will gain information and insight, as well as practical tools which you can implement in your life to help you break free of the old patterns. You’ll learn about what’s been holding you back, and how to heal from those experiences.

If you have any questions you can send me an email at

To register for the webinar click on the link below, and reserve your spot.

I look forward to connecting with you soon!



Julia X Warner

Hey! This blog is about my journey to personal health and empowerment. It talks about my motivation, my struggles and what I’ve learned along the way.