Codependency, Addiction and Slowing Down
As I’ve been discovering more about codependency and all the ways it has shown up in my life, I’m noticing some interesting patterns come up as I’m learning to slow down and put myself first.
I’ve been working towards putting more attention on my addictive patterns, and have been focusing on cutting out some of my more prominent addictions such as sugar and caffeine. My addiction to sugar has been with me for most of my life, and show up in some interesting ways sometimes.
The caffeine addiction, while a newer one, (compared to the sugar) is still very strong and challenging to break.
In many ways I have associated both of these addictions with making money and a sense of security. My first real jobs were food related, and one of them was actually at a coffee shop.
For me there was a very strong correlation between the buzz I got from the busy coffee shop, feeling productive, making money, and feeling loved and worthy in the world.
The more coffee I drank at work, the more focused I was and faster I moved, the better my reviews were, the more money I would make. I was literally putting my body through torture, because that’s what I thought I needed to do to receive “love”.
At least the version of love I was accustomed to, but that’s another story for another time.
Now as I am focusing on slowing down, tuning in to my body, being present with my needs and real desires, I’m noticing this story of coffee and sugar creeping up.
I’m in a real rest phase of my life, as my body readjusts it’s hormone levels once again, after no longer having the constant adrenaline spike, and cortisol or insulin highs and lows.
I’ve been programmed for so long to believe I need to doing, and being productive in order to feel loved. I have used caffeine and sugar to help me be more productive, and it’s been a real challenge to actually give myself permission to slow down.
There are all these stories, that I need to serve, I need to be doing something, I’m so lazy… on and on the mental chatter has been going.
But here’s the thing. A body that is not adequately rested, cannot produce the quality of work, that I desire to create in the world.
Sure, when I’m drinking coffee I’m doing a lot, but more often than not, after the buzz has worn off I’m no longer inspired by what I was working on, and end up throwing it out anyway.
Changing habits is challenging, but I’m on a mission to treat my temple with respect. To learn to love myself unconditionally, and I am committed to being the change, that supports the visions of the world, I am honoured to live in.
And for me, right now, that means having self compassion, being okay with emotional and physical discomfort, and staying focused on the heaven I am creating on earth.
Being healthy is not a given, being pain free is not a given, having mobility in our body is not a given, having mental clarity is not a given, but all of these things are directly influenced by the choices we make and the substances we allow to enter our bodies.
So I can’t help but ask, how will slowing down and listening to your body better benefit you today?
Much peace and Love