Breaking the Fairy Tale

When I was a little girl I grew up with an older brother. I really looked up to him because he was so tall, smart, big, funny, and because he could beat me up if I wasn’t nice to him. For the most part we really got along, and were much more prone to work together to do sneaky things, than to work against each other. From time to time though I would do things to him that I knew I could get away with because I was the little sister.

In many ways I thought myself a very capable human. I loved learning how to do things on my own, and would prefer to be taught how to do something rather than have it done for me. I’ve been told stories of how I would “argue” with my parents when I was younger, wanting to pick out my own clothes, rather than have them choose for me.

While on many levels I knew myself to be smart, strong, and capable, there was also the hidden dialogue running in my head, that I was small, shy, and not enough. That I needed to be taken care of, or that I needed someone who knew what they were doing, to do it for me.

Sometimes the strong confident Julia would come out, and other times the victim who just wanted someone else to do it for me would take over.

While I’ve seen many people take on both roles, I can’t help but notice how frequently I see different women taking on the victim role. Honestly, I can’t blame them. From the moment we are put in front of a television, we are taught that we need to be rescued. Especially in the early years, women were often shown as the damsel in distress, who needed to be saved. Seldom were they portrayed in roles of power, and if they were it wasn’t really a good kind of power, (think Ursula and Cruella de Vil)

Even in school women aren’t always made to feel very confident or capable. Research has found that girls and boys are often given different feedback in school. Boys when they do well on a test, receive feedback such as “you are smart,” whereas girls are told they do well “because they pay attention in class.” Similarly when they do poorly, boys are told that “they need to study more,” where a girl would more likely be told that “this subject is hard for you.”

This leads to women being more likely to avoid challenges, react from criticism rather than learn from it, and to feel threatened by the success of others rather than be inspired by it.

It’s no wonder that women are still under payed and misrepresented in the work force, and that their confidence isn’t as high.

In my own path I’ve really struggled to feel confident and to recognize my own abilities. While I knew I was a hard worker and that I was smart, there was an underlying belief that I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t do as well as others, and that I could never really be as successful as everyone else. These beliefs caused me to self sabotage. I didn’t apply for grad school, I didn’t apply for the jobs that I wanted, and I generally avoided being in a deep and committed relationship, because I didn’t want to loose myself in the process.

The good news however, is that once I recognized and acknowledged these beliefs, I was then able to question if they are true, if I want them to be true, and to ask myself if there’s anything I can do to change them. Just because we are often portrayed as victims, doesn’t mean we have to be.

I believe that women are just as smart, and just as capable as men, we just haven’t received the same inspiration. We don’t have the same role models to look up to, and so it makes it harder for us to see ourselves as powerful and successful leaders. Again, this doesn’t have to be the case. Things are changing and the gaps are being filled. Women are stepping up, and challenging the narrative.

We are stepping out of the victim, and refusing to have things just, done for us. We are recognizing how capable we are, and what we really have to offer. We are creating the opportunities that aren’t offered to us. We’re acknowledging our own efforts, and the efforts of other powerful women. We are inspiring each other, and recognizing the value of our own feminine qualities. We’re expressing our emotions in a meaningful way. We’re starting our own businesses, serving others powerfully, and not just inside the home.

I still struggle from time to time, to feel capable and confident, especially when taking on a new task. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, and like I just can’t do it. However, that mindset isn’t getting me ahead in life, and it’s not helping me show up as my most authentic and capable self.

We can learn anything in life. Whether it’s socializing, leadership, or connecting with our intuition. I love seeing how different women step into their power, and take on things that they were once made to believe they weren’t capable of doing on their own. That doesn’t mean we don’t need help, but it’s a recognition that we are working towards feeling empowered in a way we haven’t before.

If you’re a women, who, like myself, knows that she’s got a greater purpose, and greater potential, but hasn’t fully tapped into it, then I’ve got good news for you. The Tribe is a group of individuals dedicated to becoming their most authentic selves. We are stepping into our true power, and inviting others to do the same.

If you’re just looking to be inspired, you can join the community for free, but if you’re really ready to change your story and make a difference in the world, sign up for a membership. We’ll help you re frame your beliefs and become the version of you, you always knew yourself to be.

Send me a message, and tell me what challenges you’ve overcome in your life, and I’ll set you up with a free month in The Tribe. I look forward to seeing you soon!