4 Reasons Why You Should Express the Real You, More Often
It can be challenging to break outside of our comfort zones sometimes. Not only do we face resistance from our internal voices, but we often face resistance from those around us as well. Sometimes we want to change, but feel the others in our lives trying to hold us back. Sometimes we feel encouragement from others, but will hold ourselves back because of the fear we experience as we try to move forward.
I know this all too well. I was doing the same thing, day after day, wondering why I couldn’t get past my own fear, put myself out in the world, and speak my own truth.
It was exhausting, the inner dialogue that I was facing, the inner judgments and criticism telling me that I should be doing more, I should be doing things differently, and that I was a coward for holding myself back.
I saw other people expressing themselves, putting their truth out in the world, and I kept silently wondering to myself, why I couldn’t get over the hump I was experiencing. On the one hand I feared the shame and rejection I could face by speaking my truth, but on the other, I was shaming and rejecting myself for not speaking my truth.
Something needed to change.
Sometimes a lightning bolt hits, and we have the inspiration to make a shift in our habits and behaviours, other times it takes daily conscious action to move towards what we really want. What I came to realize however, is that the cost of not doing the thing we want (which in my case was to speak up more) far outweighed the fear of putting myself out there.
Our voice and self expression is connected to so many aspects of our health, and as I continued to hold myself back, I recognized my health being impacted in the following ways.
1. Weight Gain: When we don’t express what’s really on our mind, and say how we’re really feeling, the only other option is to shove everything else down. I learned to ignore my own emotions, and instead turned to food, or, at times, smoking weed to sooth the emotional discomfort I was experiencing.
Emotions need to go somewhere, and if we don’t express them, they can wreck havoc in our bodies. We often preoccupy ourselves with some kind of distraction, to suppress the urge to speak. This could be by watching T.V, smoking, eating, drinking. You name it. When we deny what we’re really experiencing and choose not to let it out, these repressed emotions often cause us to gain weight, as we find other ways to distract ourselves.
Find someone you trust that you can express your emotions to, and take the time to acknowledge in yourself what you’re really feeling. Sometimes sitting in meditation, or taking some time to journal is the best medicine, when we feel like we need to get something out.
2. Depression: This one was quite prominent for me. Anger especially is one of those emotions that, when suppressed and left unexpressed, will cause us to feel depressed. I’ve often heard depression described as anger turned inward. Rather than expressing when we are feeling angry, we turn inward and blame ourselves for the situation, and the pain we are experiencing.
While I don’t condone blaming and judging other people for our own suffering, this doesn’t mean the emotions need to go unexpressed either. Sometimes this just means, yelling, punching something, or my personal favourite, venting on my recorder out in my car. Often times getting past the initial phase of anger, helps me to slow down and see how and why I’m actually creating the situation, and why I am grateful for it, and usually it just comes down to creating clear boundaries, and making clear requests.
3. We Hold Ourselves Back in Other Ways: When we create the habit of holding back in expressing ourselves this often comes out in more than one area of our lives.
We create a story of why we can’t do something, “I’ll be judged, people won’t like me etc.” This train of thinking has held people back from speaking, singing, dancing, and even being more expressive in the bedroom. When we give ourselves permission to open up and trust that we will be loved and accepted anyway, huge shifts occur.
I’ve got this inner joker inside of me. She loves to play, dance laugh and sing. She’s like my inner child, that just loves to be joyful and free. We all have this version inside of ourselves, that loves to be silly, but how often do we really let this version shine? I don’t mean joking at the expense of others either, but just being light-hearted and playful.
What do you think would happen if you embraced this side of yourself more often? How would your world around you begin to shift, and how do you think it would encourage others to shift as well? We often take life so seriously, but the happiest people I know, have learned how to laugh at the small stuff, and welcome their inner child into all aspects of their life.
4. We Feel Disconnected in Our Relationships: When we hold ourselves back, we aren’t being authentic. Point blank. We aren’t being fully honest, and other people can feel that energy.
I use to believe that I had to people please, and say what other people wanted to hear, but I have since recognized that I wasn’t serving them or myself by doing so. People may get triggered by you expressing your authentic self, but you’ll attract the people who really do value you, the real you, the more you let that version shine. I would rather be me, and be surrounded by people who get me, than be surrounded by people I feel comfortably disconnected from.
It hurts sometimes letting go of relationships and people that don’t support you, but it hurts a lot more to feel like the people you do have in your life know nothing about you, or don’t accept the real you. There’s only one way to find out, and those who have real value and purpose in your life will be there through the long haul. They may not agree with everything you say or do, but they’ll respect you for the journey you’re on, and the bravery you exhibit.
I’ve made several new friendships since I started to speak my truth more, and put myself out in the world, because I attract the energy that I put out. When I was just holding that energy back, I was attracting other people who held their energy back. Holding back, doesn’t allow us to feel connected, but connecting to our own heart and message, certainly will.
I learned the hard way just how harmful it is to ourselves and others to play small. Maybe you have a dream and desire you want to take action on, but are afraid to put it out in the world. Maybe you’re afraid to admit it to yourself, or someone else. I trust the time will come, but I have to ask, how’s that working for you now? If I can offer you one challenge, it’s to just be honest. Tell someone something about yourself you felt like you had to keep hidden. I bet it will feel like a weight off your shoulders, and may even lead somewhere even more exciting.
Opening up was a skill I had to develop, but once I found my Tribe it became a whole lot easier. Not sure where to start? Send me a message, and I’ll connect you with a group that is completely dedicated to helping people become their most authentic selves. The Tribe is an online Membership community, a Family, that knows the importance, of being true to who you really are. I hope to see the real you, there.
