3 Reasons to Take Responsibility for Your Boundaries, and How to Do It.

Okay, confession time.

In my life I’ve been a pretty hard people pleaser. I wanted people to like me, and so I would often mold who I was, depending on who I was with. I was frequently overstepping my own boundaries, because I thought that if I said how I really felt, then this person wouldn’t like me.

I wanted to show up authentically in my relationships, but it seemed like this wall was standing in my way. I knew I needed to break it down. I needed a shift. I needed a transformation.

So I learned how to take responsibility for my own boundaries.

You see when I was in people pleaser mode, I was also stuck in a victim mentality.

I saw life as something that was happening to me, but not something that I was creating. I was constantly trying to get away from people, because I thought they would just drain me of energy.

I saw other people as just wanting to take from me, and hanging out with friends and family was often quite exhausting, because I didn’t know how to say NO!

This led to me feeling quite disempowered, drained of energy, and my health was suffering, because I was often overworked. I didn’t even really feel like I was living my own life for me.

So what changed?

1. I had to get humble with myself.

I welcomed people into my life who reflected back when I was slipping into victim mode. When I would say things like, “this person made me feel this,” or “this person made me do this.”

I wasn’t giving myself nearly enough credit for how much power I actually do have.

In actuality, no one makes me feel anything, unless I give them permission to. If someone speaks to me in a way I don’t like, it’s my responsibility to let them know, and to speak up for myself.

If someone is asking me to do something that I don’t want to do, it is my responsibility to let them know that I don’t want to, or can’t take that on right now. They may not like my answer, but at least I will know that I am respecting myself in the process.

2. I actually started to acknowledge and set my own boundaries. Now I’ll be honest, I’m still working on reinforcing this one. But I’ve been building a stronger practice of actually checking in with myself. When someone asks me to do something, unlike in the past, when I would have just responded right away. I now take a second to pause. I allow myself to be in silence, so that I can truly ask myself. “Do I want to take this on right now.”

Even if it’s something fun. I still take a moment to reflect before answering. It’s a little awkward to get use to the silence, but it’s worth it in the long run. And when I do find myself committing to something I really don’t want to do, I have also learned how to just be honest and up front about it, even if it’s a couple days later.

Otherwise I just end up feeling resentful, and often lashing out or doing some kind of self destructive behaviour, because of the anger I feel.

3. I built a deeper relationship with myself and my own voice. I’ve been building play days into my schedule. Something that I do with just myself, that is in the flow and fun.

It’s a lot easier for me to know what I want, when I take the time to actually know who I am. Sometimes this looks like journaling, sometimes it looks like going to the beach.

I also practice speaking my opinion more. Just expressing myself and what it is that I stand for. It helps me to feel a lot more empowered, and capable in life. I was so afraid in the past to have my voice be heard, for people to see and hear the real me.

However, I have recognized just how much I actually do want to shine, and express, and I know that the more I allow myself to do this, the more confident I will be, the more energized I will be, and the healthier I will feel, because I’ll no longer be stuffing down my real self, out of fear that people won’t like me.

I know I will attract my tribe, because I speak my truth. Not everyone is going to like that, but I’m okay with that, because I love who I am. I love how I show up in the world and I know that I am working for my highest good, and the highest good of all.

So he’s my challenge to you, as I celebrate you becoming more authentic, more in your power, and able to set firm boundaries for yourself.

Speak your truth!

Challenge yourself to speak up. When someone crosses a boundary of yours, tell them.

When you notice yourself feeling small, ask yourself what you aren’t honouring in yourself. There’s a voice inside of you that is just waiting to come out. So why not let it.

I mean really, what’s the worst that can happen? ;)